SCARS ...

If anyone has observed my face properly, they might have noticed that I have a scar on my forehead right above my right eye. I have twisted the story of how it happened to anybody who cared to listen but the short version was that I fell on some concrete and I hit my head on the sharp edge of a gutter. It had to be one of the most grueling of experiences for me as I watched my own blood flow freely from my forehead. At 8 years of age, seeing that much blood was only cool for about 0.01 microseconds if that is actually possible. I was conscious through the whole scenario of being rushed to the hospital and taken to the emergency room and having the gash in my forehead sewed back together and it was so cool how the only pain I felt throughout the sewing process was a tiny itch on my forehead. I was back in school the next day going about my life like nothing happened. Only, I had teachers watching my every step just to make sure I didn’t slip and destroy another body part. I was also a hero for a few days amongst my peers because they were all scared that I was not going to make it with the amount of liquid life I lost the day I fell. No lie, when it happened, I was scared as well.

Till this day, every time I remember to notice my handsome scar, it reminds me of a dangerous injury I survived some 20 odd years ago. Things could have been different though. I had the choice of staying home for a few days to rest but my 8 year old self chose to go to school. Probably not for the learning but just because I wanted to hang out with my friends instead of staying cooped up in the house. It might not have meant much then but it only just made significant sense to me this 2013 year that is about to be over in the next few hours.

As a kid, a scar to me was just a physical marking on your body that reminds you of some injury you had in the past, but I realized later in life that scars were not just physical but also emotional. I have also realized that emotional scars take a greater toll on us than the physical and in some cases, physical scars can also double up as emotional scars and make situations even worse. Most people, if not all of us have our various scars in physical form or in the form of what life has put us through. Failures, disappointments, job losses, loss of loved ones, injuries and sicknesses among others are scars that can change the course of one’s life for the worse.

We should not let this happen. We should not allow whatever scar we have take control of our lives and let that scar dictate how we live. It is true that they can be very painful and very hard to bear and even get over but the decision we make after being hurt can decide what we remember our scars for. My decision to go back to school the next day after my injury bought me a few days of being the coolest kid in the school even among the older kids which was gold back in the day but it meant a lot to me and it kept me going no matter how much pain I was feeling physically. How you act after being emotionally scarred will determine what you remember that scar for and even though people’s opinions should not matter to you, it can also give people an idea of how strong or weak you are. And I’m pretty sure none of us want to look weak in the faces of our peers.

I wasn’t injured in 2013 thankfully, but I have quite a number of emotional scars that could have deterred me from being a sane human being, but thankfully, the year is ending, I am still here and so are all of you reading this. I used to tag scars as emotionally damaging but now I see them as mind builders. Scars will damage us but only if we allow them to. As long as we still breathe, we can choose to be weakened from scars or choose to be stronger and always remember the scars for how strong they made us. It’s up to us really.

I choose to be stronger. How about you?

HAVE A GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL 2014!!!

BIGTYME OUT!!

Bad Luck Day?

Considering how America commercializes every thing possible from Sports to Holidays, its not surprising that Friday the 13th is a day that is not spared as well. For you Horror Movie Enthusiasts, its a bonus day for you to catch your horror movies, new or old, at home or at the movies. Yup, Its the day known popularly as “Bad Luck Day” in most parts of the western world for reasons best known to whoever made that decision. Apparently, 13 was considered an unlucky number and Friday was considered an unlucky day which is very weird because it seems like The Creator upstairs gets more appreciation on this day than any other day of the week bar Sunday. It might just be superstition but I wonder to myself if it was coincidence that I had a horrible run of events starting early on Friday the 13th of December 2013. Bear with my long story because as usual, there is a very simple turning point which made everything better and ended up causing me to share this anyway, considering how I have not posted anything in a while. It also doubles up as my first short story.. Even better, Its not fiction!!!

I woke up from a bad dream first of all on Friday morning. I wont detail that, but it was the kind of dream that got me thinking I need to do better praying and going to church. I will however let you know it involved me shoving my laptop of the bed. It got scarred a bit but it survived. As cold as the weather was, I was burning hot when I woke up from the dream. I already had a combination of ailments bugging my throat and my nose from earlier in the week, so as early as 6:30 am, I couldn’t handle it anymore so I stepped out of the house to get me some medical defense and then head back home. That was the plan. I did not get back home till about 10:00 am. And this is why…

I needed an over the counter drug that was sold behind the counter because of some chemical it had in it so I actually had to see the Pharmacist. Problem was, i couldn’t find a pharmacy that was open and me being the don’t give up person I am, I kept searching for pharmacies that were open. I couldn’t find any after about 90 minutes of driving, dealing with traffic, parking, walking out of the car, asking when pharmacies opened and stuff. I finally ended up at the same pharmacy where I started off. I had thought to myself that since the answer I got from most of the other stores I went to was that the pharmacies open at 8, I might as well go back to Kroger and get my medicine and be on my way… Kroger Pharmacy didn’t open till 9. I did not find out on my first visit what time they opened.

Its past 8 and I’m disappointed at this point, so I decide to go home. I’m pulling out of the lot when this random guy yells at me. I didn’t pay him any mind as I was already pissed but he kept yelling and when I eventually decide to listen, he was just trying to tell me I had a flat tire.. Great News! I didn’t get my drugs and I now had a flat tire to fix in the beautiful 20 degree morning weather. At this point, I just sat in my car, a very frustrated human that didn’t want to change a tire and that is when it occurred to me that it was Friday the 13th and I immediately begin laughing. I’ve heard stories from even close friends having bad luck day dilemmas but I never for once thought I would be a victim and it was just funny to me. My head is also hurting at this point and I decide to do a last minute sweep of my car hoping to find a bottle of painkillers that I might have conveniently left in my car. This is where my luck changed and yes, it was for the better.

Of course I did not find any painkillers miraculously wedged under the seats in the car but I did find my gloves which funny enough I had conveniently kept in the “glove box”. They were the same gloves I had been looking for in the past 48 hrs. Figuring, I had an edge over the weather now, I decided to change my tire. Its 8:45 am, I’m still pissed off, my car is raised and I’m taking bolts of the tire and this lady probably going into the store walks up to me and sympathizes with my situation, citing that its horrible that i had to change my tire in such weather. I in turn thank her for her kind words and say to her, “I’m lucky I have gloves”

That phrase in addition to what the lady said next probably changed my whole day. She smiled and said “well. I hope the rest of your day goes way better” and she was on her way. I’m not even going to lie! It warmed my heart and at this point, I’m now feeling ungrateful that I would even think I was unlucky in the first place when there are some out there who would kill to be in my position, however bizarre that may sound. I mustered up whatever energy I had left and finished replacing my tire and got in the car to head home. I then remembered that it was now after 9 and I could get my medicine. I was already driving out before I realized it, so I had to park somewhere else as my spot had been taken. I had to show my ID for the medicine and I kid you not! I did not have my wallet on me, I’m about to freak out again but I remember how lucky I am and decide to go check the car. It was in the car. It had fallen out of my pocket somehow while I was searching for my painkillers.

I pay for my drugs and I head to my car with a smile on my face as I now had my medicine! I cant find my keys!! This, by now is round 4 or 5 of fretting but once again, I calm down and luckily, (If I may use that word) my keys were sitting on the inside of the car on the driver’s seat in a locked car. In Kevin Hart’s words, “I can not make this up!!!” I had dropped them on the seat while looking for my wallet and I never picked them up when I locked the car and went back in the store. No biggie tho. After acquiring a few tools from some friendly Kroger employees, I was able to prop my door open with no damage and be on my way home. Irony of it all, I just dropped the medicine on the counter and went straight back to sleep when I finally got to the house.

It was really an interesting morning and I’m glad I was able to learn and be reminded from my experience that myself and most of us who will end up reading this are luckier than we can imagine and no made up day can ever change that. Also, the things you do or say to someone can have any kind of impact on the person. No matter how resistant a person is, the words we utter can change the kind of day a person is having. So as creepy as it may sound, a smile every now and then would not hurt and a simple phrase such as “Have a nice day” or like this nice lady said to me, “I hope the rest of your day goes way better”, can alter the course of someone’s day for the better.

This is a BigTyme Short Story…

One Basket? Never Enough

             "Provocation Lies Ahead" ... One phrase in my blog bio that I really don't believe I have touched on since I started this digital project of mine. Why not do it today, this fine Independence day of my beloved country Nigeria. Yup, I love my country but I don't think I can say the same for my  leaders but that is another story for another day. But yeah, let me work your minds a little.

       We are all very greedy people. Either now, or we were at some point in our lives. I always include myself because I know I am or have been guilty of everything I talk about. Yeah but we are very greedy. Not greedy in a sense that we strive to do better for ourselves but greedy in a sense that we take a situation which is working pretty good for us and mess it up just because one thing goes wrong or we believe we see a better situation out there which turns out to be a mirage. I'm all for risk taking and I'm all for progress but what I dislike really is stupidity. And I use the word stupidity in the full sense of it. I have made some dumb ass decisions over people promising me "heaven and earth" and I dropped everything I was doing which was working in its own good way for me and followed them blindly and you know what? You guessed right! I got screwed over. Screwed over so bad that it threw me off and had me starting from zero in building myself.        
          I blamed them at first but I later figured out I only had myself to blame. I see the same pattern a lot these days among people I know and even those I don't and I shake my head knowing they should have known better as I should have known better. Worst part is you probably had those people who warned you against such an action but you did not listen and then you end up going back to whine to them about how you got screwed over and you expect them to be sympathetic. Me, personally? I was laughed at! I hated it but I deserved it and if you've ever been in such a situation, your stubborn greedy ass probably deserved it too!

        Well, I know better now and I will just like to throw little pieces of advice out there. Before you go making decisions that can throw you off or go believing empty promises that end up disappointing you, DO YOUR RESEARCH!!! Sometimes, its a big bother to handle but it turns out to be a big help! Also, don't abandon what ever it was that you had going for you if it was working fine. If you weigh options and you figure that you are getting more positive results than negative, don't be greedy. Stay put. Nobody ever said anything was perfect. If they did, they were either lying or drunk or were probably the people who promised heaven and earth! In a situation where there are more negatives than positives..., well, you never should have been in such a situation in the first place but still, DO YOUR RESEARCH before jumping to any conclusions. Not saying research will stop all disappointments but at least you have a softer landing if you get messed up and you can easily pick yourself up and get going again. My landing was not as soft.

     I'm pretty sure a lot of peeps will wonder to themselves what exactly it is I'm talking about? Well, throw it into any situation in your life be it work, school, business and even relationships. Sounds pretty absurd but its unfortunately true especially these days. You can disagree with me all you want but until some divine miracle happens, I am definitely never leaving all my eggs in one basket.

Never Again!

BigTyme Out!

Your Biggest Hater

I'm sure everyone is aware of the fact that everybody... Yes, every single body has haters... Whether you are successful or not or on the road to success, you will encounter haters along the way who will do any and everything to hinder you from reaching your desired goal or enjoying your success. They like to hit you with the "what ifs" and the "impossible" lines to discourage you and your determined self always has the right response for them. "I got this", "You just a hater", or this one, "Shout Out to my haters,I'm here today cuz of them". That one is a favorite of mine.

Back to my first point that says everyone has haters. I even have a few people that I hate on. They are as follows: Kobe Bryant, Justin Bieber, Sasha and Malia and others I will spare right now. Lol. Even new born babies who know nobody when they come in the world have haters but I won't go into detail... Lol. But of all these haters, there is only one that can determine if you actually progress or decline in whatever you set out to accomplish. And it lives right inside all of us.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet your MINDS!! Yup, your minds. This little hater is the biggest of them all and it will not only speak to you but also try to hinder you or trigger you to act on something. Y'all know the song that starts off with "My minds telling me no!!" Yup! Kinda like that. No need for further details on a Thursday evening.

Okay in all seriousness though, its good to be positive and I know a bunch of us strive to be positive but the mind is a very strong entity that can play tricks on us. Haters will say stuff to us and we would brush it off like it was nothing but if your mind starts saying things to you like "You don't have what it takes" or "you'll never get that job", it is strange but we tend to listen to that little voice in our head and it could be dangerous sometimes as it would determine a lot of things. Confidence for one maybe dented if you let that little voice in your head discourage you and we all know how important confidence is.

But there is good news. As you have power over your haters, you also have power over that voice in your head. Many may think its corny and stupid but speaking positively to yourself goes a long way to helping you overcome the power of the mind. Not only that, speaking positively can actually switch up your mind from your biggest hater to your greatest ally!! Yup. You will be shocked that your mind will start to say things like "Maybe it is possible" or statements like "Go For It!" A lot of us may doubt this. Even as I type, I still have my doubts but some wise saying goes thus: "When You Speak Positively, You Will Begin to See Hope in Your Situations and Find Strength to Overcome" And this goes for Exams, Interviews, Weight Loss Challenges, Games, Relationships, Friendships, Sports and anything that requires you to use that mind of yours. Long story short? Stay Positive! If you cant be positive, be quiet cuz being quiet is way better than being negative cuz some people still successfully get on haters' nerves by ignoring them! But don't be quiet for too long. Speak Positively and all your haters, even the biggest one that is the mind will start to come around and cheer you on!

I still hate Kobe though.


BIGTYME OUT!!!

Sup y'all... Its been a minute since I last posted ... Ok maybe more than a minute but I'm back from what I would like to call a holiday but it wasn't though. Anyway, I'm back.

You ever have the feeling that you have worked so hard and for so long on some project that is not forthcoming with positive results that you just want to give up? Have you ever waited a while for something that never showed up that you decide to stop waiting or have you tried something which failed and required you to start from the beginning and you just quit?

All these questions can fit into m any different scenarios apart from working, waiting and trying but they all have something in common. Making people want to give up after being disappointed by the outcome of what it was they were striving for. As always, I like to get personal on my blog even though I don't go into too much detail. Yes, I have been in these situations in the past and yes, in some situations, I have given up. Some, I regretted but not for long and some just died away. Maybe they didn't carry that much importance to be regretted but I'll never know.

We see examples everyday of people who give up when the struggle becomes more than they can bear but as I always say, I dislike talking about the negatives. We also do see examples of people who continue to strive even after disappointment upon disappointment. Lebron James is an example of someone who has been disappointed so many times (and I know that some of y'all reading this got nothing but hate for him. Lol) but he continued to strive and work harder and changed things about him and finally reaped the fruits of his hard work. Another example is Jennifer Hudson. Y'all know her story. Look where she is now. Bill Gates had a failed business but did not give up and now, there is Microsoft. Oprah was once fired from her job. Steven Spielberg? Everybody knows Steven Spielberg!!! He was rejected from The University of Southern California School of Theater, Film and Television THREE times but did he give up? You tell me. Basketball stars have been entrusted to take winning shots and missed but it never stopped them from trying again. I can go on and on about important figures who have failed in more than one way but never gave up and turned out to be huge successes in their endeavors. I know I said I won't go into details about myself but this is one story that never ceases to amaze me. I was so excited about coming to study in the U.S.A only to have my dreams cut short by the almighty American embassy on Three occasions! That's correct! I got denied a student visa three times but as fate would have it, I now hold a blue document which many consider makes one a citizen of the world. I didn't give up! I always have that in the back of my mind when something goes wrong or I fail at something very important. All these examples are examples of risk takers and people who have gone so far only to be disappointed but never ashamed to try again until they got it right.

Truth is that life is all about risk taking and we all know that risks could either yield negative or positive results and most, if not all of us are always guilty of expecting positive results and when that does not happen, we get scared to try again. I ain't a preacher and as stupid as this may sound, I suggest that we create a little room for failure so we are not disappointed when it does happen and usually, those who are not afraid to fail usually garner the most success. Not everyone who is on the top of their game got there with success after success. If you look at history, most of the success stories you see are individuals who were faced with tough obstacles. I must point out that there are warning signs for some things we try to do that do not work in our favor that also suggest that is not what we are meant to do. Basically, this is where common sense comes in to help us decide if said project is of any benefit to us or not. In this case, it is not a matter of giving up but walking away from something that wouldn't help you in anyway.

Nobody likes to fail but I would just like to point out that it is okay to fail as long as you try again, failure is sometimes just the first step to success, life is all about taking risks, if you are not taking risks, then frankly, you are not living. Never ever give up on something that you truly believe in.

As long as you are not afraid to fail, you always have a chance to succeed....

BigTyme Out

Wole Oworu Culture Shock Speech

Had to cut it short on stage cuz of time but here is the full version ....Enjoy

Good evening, everyone!  My name is Wole. Some of you know me as Mr. BigTyme. I am a Nigerian who proudly represents my green, white and, green -- all day -- every day!  

I stand here today because, about a month ago, Anita reached out to me to ask if I would share a few words with you, the Culture Shock audience, based on a post on my blog (which I just started about a month ago), which I dedicated to the memory of Joseph Kessie, a very good friend of mine and to most of you.  Trust me, I have never delivered a message in public before, but when she told me that she was dedicating the entire show to Joseph’s memory, I decided to take on the challenge.

So, allow me to share a few words about Joseph, because you see, we can learn a lot from his attitude towards life, and apply such lessons to our lives, as well as to that of the entire African community.  And, please allow me to sound as African as possible -- because after all, this is Culture Shock right? And we should all always be proud of our culture!

Joseph Kessie was a positive man, and I can honestly say that I have never met a more motivated person. Our paths crossed back inside the gym at Georgia Perimeter College, where he was not just a brilliant student, but also, an active student. Joseph engaged in various clubs at GPC, and was ready to help needed. Oh, and he was a socializer, mingling with various people and making friends all over. He was a very friendly guy with so much ambition. At one point, he also had a radio show he used to host and was never afraid to talk about any issue that came to his mind. The most important thing that I noticed about Joseph was his servant spirit and his ability to inspire others to do better.

Was it school work you needed help with? Was it a ride you needed to get home? Were you hungry and didn’t have the means to get yourself food?  Joseph was always ready and willing to help meet your need. Personally, he unintentionally motivated me to study more than I was actually doing. I began to push myself to do better, partly because of his commitment to school and work, and his ability to compose himself when it came to get all done in the right way, including studying.  Did Joseph impact my life?  Yes, he did.

After Joseph passed away, I was finally inspired to launch my blog -- I had been delaying the start of this venture for some time.  Troubled and moved by the transition of Joseph, I also must thank a lot of you -- because rather directly or indirectly -- each of you has inspired me to continue to speak my mind through digital technology, and I hope my blog will continue to inspire whoever stumbles upon it.

In the spirit of Joseph, who believed in helping his fellow man, allow me to emphasize the need for all of us to grow as a community, especially in Atlanta -- we simply need to stick together. Everyone who is successful has been helped along the way at some point in their life. Lending a helping hand wherever you can, and in whatever the situation -- can go a very long way. I will be straight forward and say that a lot of communities often have internal differences, but when it’s time to come together, to make things happen, such differences have to be put aside, so that the community as a whole can move forward and continue to grow.  

You see, when a unified community grows, it attracts more positive people who are inspired and motivated to be better human beings and contributors. It is sort of like a domino effect, and I will borrow a thought from “The Golden Rule” which states that, “One should treat others as one would like to treat oneself.”  We all want to be assured that we have someone or a group of people who will come through for us whenever we are in need. This should not be mistaken for favors because then, it comes off as expecting something back from whomever, we lent a helping hand.

In closing, Joseph believed in himself and possibilities. Let us set goals and set a course for turning our dreams into reality.  It is never easy, but the end result is always sweet. Culture Shock is an excellent example of what can happen when a plan is put in action, and supported by a community of like-minded people.  Anita, I commend you and your team for putting together such an awesome event -- an event that once began as a dream -- and, look at it now; what a success it has become!  

So, remember to be the person you want others to be to you, just like Joseph was to so many. And, let’s make it all happen by backing the communities and dreams of each other. Thank you for your time, and thank you for your support of Culture Shock!

Today I Vent

I havent written anything in about 3 weeks because I personally took a vacation from everything work and just decided to have me a few weeks of leisure.

How were those days? Amazing!!! So much fun. I think I actually needed it too. Got a lot of deserved rest and had lots of time to meditate. Now I feel like I can take on the summer full throttle! I'm surprised (and humbled as a matter of fact) that some of you guys actually missed me cuz y'all reached out to me to make sure my blog wasnt dead yet. Grateful for the love. Ima stop now and jump into what's on my mind and it has probably crossed everybody's mind at some point. Oh by the way, I am kinda upset so here goes...

What is it with my African folk sef? Especially the older generation who like to exploit the concept of respect when talking to younger people. I am seriously tired of holding my tongue when such human beings do not respect themselves. Maybe my mentality changed after spending a few years in this country and what I usually saw as a normalcy in Nigeria became a nuisance in this country. Who knows, maybe a few more years in Nigeria too and my concept of it my have changed as well. But really, all the "You have no respect!" and "Am I your mate?" phrases have gone through my ears many a day in this country even as recent as 4 days ago and it took everything within me not to flip out on this obviously semi-literate (even though business smart) man who tried to play smart with me and not give me a full refund after selling me a horrible part for my poor car which has been out of service for roughly 2 months now. I would go into details but I wouldn't wanna expose my technique of handling such human beings. I will however let y'all know that I walked out .. .sorry, stormed out of his office (OK maybe I did flip out). And I left without my money unfortunately but luckily, the thoughtful Nigerian/Brazilian dude working on my car got me my money after about 24 hours as he felt bad that it was he who referred me to ol' dude in the first instance.

I know a bunch of us have experienced such people in the past and we still do every now and then and I'm usually not the one to ask such questions but what would y'all do or what do y'all do when faced with such situations? It is standard in most family homes that children are brought up to respect their elders but what happens when such elders start acting the fool on purpose and not respecting their own selves because they know they are older. It is just so annoying and instead of trying to respect such people, I lose every form of respect for them and I would let it show if I wasn't such a reserved person. I personally try to avoid them at all costs because like it or not, we run into a bunch of them every now and then.

I don't know if it can be considered Psychology. I don't know if one day, we might grow older and all of a sudden just switch to such behavior just because we are older. I seriously pray against that though because funny enough, it also happens among people of younger ages with older ones trying to command respect from younger ones. Where did they learn such from? Of course, probably their parents or that arrogant uncle or aunt who comes over to the house a lot. And of course, they grow up exhibiting the same traits as such people.

Obviously, almost nothing can be done to stop some of these old folks from behaving the way they do but I believe that as we grow older, we can choose not to adopt such traits into our systems. And by no means am I saying that young folk who try to disrespect elders should not be put in their place. I am just hoping that peeps don't go trying to be superior to someone else because they take a couple years from them. It would only make peeps look stupid.

And stupid is what the guy looked like after I stormed out of his office and had someone else get my money for me. And I really did try to be nice to the guy but he asked for it and BOY! He got a piece of my mind.

That was the highlight of my Wednesday ...

Maybe I should go run and hide sef before all the old folks start looking for me.